DSM-5 and me. Identity.

Let's hop into day three of nine in the DSM-5 and me series. Identity.

3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

   https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK430883/

This one is a tough one for me to do based solely on the fact I am embarrassed.

I am 29 and I do not have an identity of my own. Who I am any given day is a personality I have picked up along the way. I cannot make sense in my head what it would feel like to have my own identity. I change "my" personality all of the time. I am a chameleon.

Here comes the embarrassing part.

My current identity I have adapted is Belle from Beauty and the Beast. Terribly embarrassing. BUT. There's reasons I choose my identities the way I do. Let me explain.

Belle is a woman who is strong. She loves her family. She is smart. She is beautiful. She is so kind. When she falls in love with Beast, that love is powerful. That is every thing I want to be.

I actually had the conversation with my therapist about not having an identity. He assured me I do. He asked me to go home and think of who I am. All I could come up with was a kind person. We started there.

I've obviously seen him for a while so he knows all of my ins and outs. He reminded me of all of my accomplishments and all the good deeds that I have done and how I am empathetic and can understand people. That caring for people is my passion and I will help anyone I know that needs it with all the power in me.

All of that still wasn't enough.

I still am asking, "who am I?"

I'm a mother. I'm a wife. I'm a nurse.

Those just feel like labels. They don't feel like me.

So yes. I am 29 years old currently taking on the identity of a Disney princess. Could be worse I guess. I have tried taking on the identity of self absorbed celebrities. That never turned out good and I was kind of annoying.

This one I have no advice to my fellow BPDers at this time except let's keep going to therapy and working on finding out who we truly are.